


change the voices in your head; make them like you instead

by Duck_Life



Category: Descendants (2015)
Genre: Anxiety, Friendship, Gen, Love Potion/Spell, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 12:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: Mal gives Evie a love potion to help her love herself.





	change the voices in your head; make them like you instead

They’ve been there for a couple months know, learning and living, growing up and realizing that, hey, maybe everything doesn’t have to be awful all the time. Carlos never goes anywhere without Dude, Jay tries to join every school team and club before finally cutting it back to just archery, track and chess, and Evie’s constantly crafting and working at her desk, every day showing Mal new beautiful designs.

But no matter how much Mal oohs and awes over her roommate’s amazing creations, Evie can’t seem to see for herself what’s so good about them. “See, I messed up here, and here, and the colors don’t really go that well,” she says about one dress, pointing out all her mistakes. 

“It still looks fantastic.”

“Eh.” Evie tosses the dress over the back of her chair. She’d seemed so excited about it when working on it, but it’s like as soon as she finishes, her anxieties come rushing back. Mal gives her a thoughtful look, but then drops it.

* * *

 

Except Evie does that kind of thing a lot. Sometimes when she’s narrating her own makeup process, instead of talking about how the eyeshadow brings out the brightness of her eyes and how her contour exaggerates her cheekbones, she talks about how she can use lipstick to hide her awful chapped lips, how her foundation can cover up the hideous blemishes on her jawline. 

And sometimes when they’re all eating lunch, she eats about three bites and then passes the rest of her plate to Carlos. When Ben or Jay calls her on it, she just says she ate earlier and she’s not hungry. Except Mal knows she didn’t have anything to eat beforehand. 

Even when Evie works really hard and gets back a B+ (which Mal would be  _ thrilled _ to receive), she gets all mopey and complains about how she could have done better, she just needs to work harder, she just needs to be better. Every tiny mistake Evie makes suddenly becomes a huge issue, some giant flaw about herself that she decides needs to be fixed or eradicated.

* * *

 

Mal tries to bring it up with her a few times. “You shouldn’t be so mean to yourself,” she says one night while Evie’s stressing over her enchanted lit essay. “You’re doing your best, E. Everyone thinks so.”

“No, no,” Evie mumbles, scratching out a sentence and rewriting it. “I’m not good enough. It’s not enough to just work really hard, I have to  _ be better _ .” 

One day when they’re rushing to get to class, Mal stands at the door watching Evie still attempt to get through her whole makeup routine with a minute to spare. “C’mon, let’s just go,” she says. “You look fine.”

“Oh my God, no, I look terrible,” Evie insists, dabbing on a liberal amount of mascara. “I can’t be seen like this! I’m so ugly.”  

So finally Mal realizes talking it out isn’t going to help Evie, and she’s going to need to resort to some good old-fashioned magic.

* * *

 

“Isn’t this kind of an invasion of Evie’s privacy?” Carlos ponders as he watches Mal leaning over the bowl in the castle kitchen. “Friends don’t spell other friends.”

“Oh, can it,” Mal sighs, adding in some salt. “I’m just trying to make her feel better. She deserves to feel good about herself. Don’t you think?”

Carlos shrugs. “Sure, but is this the way to do it?” 

“Absolutely,” Mal says briskly. “Now cry; I need a tear of human sadness.” 

“I can’t just cry on command.” 

“Dead puppies.”

Carlos grins and points to his eyes. “Nope. See? Dryer than the Seven Deserts.” 

Mal gets a glint in her eye. “Dead  _ Dude _ .”

Carlos immediately chokes up, a tear sliding down his cheek. Mal scoops it up. “Hey, you’re mean!” he sniffles, wiping his eyes. 

“Rotten to the core,” she confirms with a smirk as she mixes in Carlos’ tear. “Thanks for the help, friendo.” 

“Okay,” he says warily. “Just be careful.”

* * *

 

When Mal offers the cookie to Evie, she turns it down. “I can’t, I already ate too much today,” Evie says. “I’m not supposed to have so many calories. My mom always sai-- I mean. I mean, I just shouldn’t be eating so much.”

“Oh, come on,” Mal wheedles, waving the cookie enticingly in her face. “You won’t even try a bite? I made them from scratch!”

Honestly, Evie should know better than to take baked goods from her half-fae roommate, but she’s been so focused lately on all her own flaws and failings that she doesn’t think critically about what Mal’s motivations might be. “I… fine,” she sighs, taking the cookie. “I’ll just have one bite,” she says, and she does, chomping down and chewing and swallowing while Mal watches on expectantly. “Just one bite, because if I eat more, it’ll go straight to my thighs, and then I’ll look even… well, I mean… well, I’ll look cute no matter what size I am.” She stops. “Wait, what?” 

“You have a point there,” Mal says, faking innocence. “Thick thighs save lives, Evie.” 

“Hang on,” Evie says, shaking her head. She looks at the cookie in her hand. “Can I have the rest of this? Suddenly, I’m starving.”

“Absolutely,” Mal says with a smile. “I made it for you, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Evie says, and she takes another bite as she walks over to her sewing machine. While she works on her latest project, she hums to herself and comments on how nicely it’s going. She finishes the cookie and Mal just watches, alert to any sign that her spell might have gone wrong. 

“That looks really pretty,” she says, pointing to the embroidered bodice Evie’s almost done with. 

Evie just smiles down at her work. “Yeah,” she says quietly, “it does, doesn’t it?”

* * *

 

Everyone notices the change but only Mal (well, and Carlos) knows why. Evie starts eating all her food again, genuinely enjoying the pies and tarts and casseroles they serve at lunch. She wears just as much makeup, of course, but she’s not afraid to try some more outlandish looks just for fun, striking purple eyeshadow, green lipstick. She wears blush and mascara but not so much cover-up, letting her skin breathe. 

When she gets back a B on a royal economy quiz, she just shrugs and declares that she’ll probably do better next time. 

And when her anxiety creeps up again, instead of isolating herself and wallowing, she gets a big glass of water and seeks out Mal and Lonnie so she can sit with them and chat about nothing until the antsy feeling subsides. 

In short, she loves herself.

* * *

 

It doesn’t last.

Carlos and Jay decide it would be fun to have a water balloon battle, but they forget that the well water they’re using comes from the enchanted lake. It shouldn’t matter, except that one of the balloons hits the ground and bursts open at Evie’s feet, drenching her head to toe in magical, spell-undoing water. 

“Hey, be a little more careful, you nimrods,” she scolds half-heartedly, but then her eyes seem to draw inward and she shrinks in on herself, her shoulders drooping. Mal can tell that all her mean thoughts about herself must have come rushing back in that instant. “ _ Oh _ ,” Evie says in a small voice. 

“E,” Mal says, grabbing her arm before she can disappear inside. “Listen.” 

“When you gave me that cookie last week,” Evie says, narrowing her eyes. “That was a spell, wasn’t it?”

Mal bites her lip guiltily. “Well, yes, but…”

“Just forget it.” Evie shrugs off her hand and runs inside. 

A water balloon splats against the wall behind Mal.

* * *

 

When Mal gets back to their room, she finds Evie sulking at her desk, using a seam ripper to pull out every stitch of the skirt she’d been working on. 

“Hey, come on, don’t do that,” Mal says, her hands fluttering over Evie’s space. 

Her roommate gives her a mournful look and keeps destroying her project. “I’m so  _ stupid _ ,” she mutters. “I thought I was finally  _ normal _ but… but it was just magic.” 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Mal frowns, sitting on the edge of Evie’s bed to get a better look at her. It looks like she’s fighting tears. “Evie, you’re so smart and talented and wonderful. You have no reason to feel so bad about yourself all the time.”

“Exactly!” Evie exclaims, the skirt falling in her lap. “Exactly! I have  _ nothing _ to feel bad about, but I still do feel bad. What’s wrong with me? Am I just fundamentally damaged from growing up on the Isle? Am I just never going to be normal?”

“None of us are,” Mal half-jokes. She tries to smile, but it slides away from her face when she sees Evie’s expression. “Come on, E, it’s okay. It’s okay that you feel insecure or upset. I just… want you to know that all the bad things you think about yourself… they’re not true. It’s just your brain being…”

“Evil?” Evie suggests bitterly.

Mal sighs. “Well, that’s what happens, I guess,” she says. “You can’t just snap your fingers and suddenly have a nicer childhood. You just have to keep going.” Evie picks at the fabric she’s still holding. “But… but you know, you’re not the only one. Jane says she always feels like there’s a voice in her head criticizing everything she does. And… and Ben? Ben worries about  _ everything _ . He’s constantly checking to make sure he’s not making a mistake.” Evie watches her intently, finally, finally listening to what Mal has to say. “See? You’re not alone. And… just because you think bad things about yourself… that doesn’t make you a bad person.” 

Evie kind of… settles into herself for a second then. It’s not the confidence she had when the spell took effect, but sort of a comfort. Like she knows that even if she feels bad about herself, it doesn’t erase all the good things she can do and be. 

Evie holds up the ruined skirt. “Can… can you help me fix this?”

“Absolutely,” Mal says, going to join her at the desk.

So maybe magic wasn’t the way to go. But whatever it takes, Mal’s going to pick Evie back up and put her back together, stitch by stitch.    
  



End file.
